Life Bleeding
Raven
April 19, 2001
Nothing left but the shadows that haunt me.
A mirror in a darkened room.
There are no words to say what I feel.
And there is no cure for this.
The waves of the sea have taken me over.
How do you stop the tide from pulling you?
I see you in the darkness of night.
So real, I can almost touch you.
But, you pass through me, it is over.
Is this what life is supposed to be?
Take it back and set me free.
I'll be a stranger, a ghost, or barely a thought.
This coldness grows and I can't feel a thing.
But, I do feel anyway.
Trapped in a shell screaming, no one hears.
I have fallen.
There is nothing left but the shadows that haunt me.
I am nothing but a reflection in a mirror in a darkened room.
There are no more words to say..
A Hidden Feeling
Raven
April 15, 2001
I saw him and it was only a picture.
My heart died and I don't know why I do this.
He went away.
He left me here to stay.
Eden has died and I am lost among the lost.
I wonder if he ever thinks of me.
I never wanted this feeling to stay.
Just make it go away.
The rain keeps falling.
There is no way to see me cry.
There is only one chance for living.
But, I fear the chance has passed on from me.
He haunts my heart in the darkest hours.
Why do I hurt myself this way?
All reason has left me, the world has gone mad.
No escape, no peace.
I know the truth of my loneliness.
There is no way to repair it.
If this is the way it's to be forever,
Then let this body pass on.
Let me be free in the darkness.
A Night In October
Raven
April 7, 2001
I never tried to think of you.
The night I met you, I never tried to know.
But these things find a way to surface.
I never tried to feel the love I felt for you.
Strange how I found myself surrounded by you.
So many questions unanswered.
I found myself a slave, yet I did not care.
So many things I wanted to say to you.
Maybe then you would have stayed.
But, I never really tried to reach your shore.
And you became lost to me in the night.
If I could undo the loss, I would be free.
I remember you on the night we met.
Your soul captured mine with a hug and a goodbye.
And I watched as you walked away.
It was the first moment I was truly happy.
For I knew you were someone so completely special.
Now it is only a dream and I wait.
I wait for someone to touch me the way you did.
I fear it will never come to pass.
As I silently fade away into the shadows we once shared.
Now there is nothing else to lose in my life.
Now there is nothing left to fear.
Evil Love
Raven
April 5, 2001
There is a dark disease that has invaded my soul.
A bitterness that my heart could not withstand.
No escape from this never ending sorrow.
I believed he had my hand when I held nothing.
This love was damned and is still damned.
His love was never there from the start.
Only a blade and a dark corner remain.
To try to leave flesh I will never escape.
For I am condemned to wander this world.
And there is nothing to save me now.
Mournful Heart
Raven
April 5, 2001
I turn pale as I hear your voice.
A shadow from a time I once mourned.
And maybe I still mourn it.
Now I spin around like a mad twister.
The people want more of this show.
I fear for my soul when I hear your name.
You mean so much to me still.
How can I ever break free from this dark spell?
The cards have grown silent and the candle fades.
You are returning from the past.
How near you'll be.
But, what tales have I to tell now?
The ones of how I longed for your touch?
Or maybe how I wished for death.
And I still do wish.
I don't know what you want of me.
It was better when all was silent.
But, you opened the door and I'm not free.
I guess I'll never be free.
And I'll never dream again.
I know I can never let you go.
You are with me forever.
Forever in my heart.
Forever in my soul.
Dark Love
Raven
April 5, 2001
There are things I cannot explain.
The reason of life and death.
The falling of the moon into the ocean.
And why I love you like I do.
My sweet love, will you ever hear me?
Can you ever find your way to my arms?
You find comfort among the frozen palaces.
I find it among the mirrors engulfed in flames.
We fell into a cruel world that hated us.
And I don't know the reason for it all.
But, the answers shall come in time.
Yet, it seems we only live to cry and die.
To be forgotten by all the come after.
The shadow was once a true love of mine.
I wish to forget all I know.
I only want to know you, heart and soul.
We could dance together upon the ocean.
Dance as the moon drowns in its waves.
To bring life to death and escape this bitter world.
He was once a true love of mine.
With three years until I found you.
Take my hand and let me comfort you.
Give me a chance, you will know love.
Discontent
Raven
April 2, 2001
I wonder at the reason my life will never be satisfied.
Forever searching for a special soul to share my own.
I fear the day will never come.
Was it ever there from the start?
I don't know, I'm just cold.
Look around, do you see a life worth living?
I see desolation and hate.
The human animals made of machines.
Take and take, fuck those that need.
I fuck those I hate.
What is the secret to the beautiful happy life?
Is it really what it seems?
No matter, he just passes me by.
And he doesn't see me standing alone.
My heart and soul break as he passes me over.
I just drown in the tears of my own self-pity.
I guess this is what true loneliness is.
To forever wander down the silent halls.
Only my own steps to make a sound
Such a dreadful, hateful loss.
To die before he could ever reach me.
Start Of The End
Raven
March 30, 2001
I have lost all faith in all I know.
Nothing seems to be real anymore.
The sleepless nights increase by the days.
Now I'm just too fucked up to care anymore.
There is a dark sickness working within my soul.
I become less human than the day before.
It's funny how I wanted things to change.
Now nothing will ever be the same again.
There is a great darkness approaching this land.
It will come for me, it will find my hiding place.
But, there is really no place to hide from this darkness.
There is no place of light for me.
My heart has decayed and I fall ever closer towards the void.
Does anything really matter now?
I have gone beyond hope of ever being saved.
It has finally become too late.
And this is the start of the end for me.
When The Moon Turned
Raven
March 17, 2001
And so it was,
The moon has turned.
Silver light on a blood stained hand.
A lonely, jaded soul crying for release.
There is no forgiveness for this sin.
The blood of the cross cannot wash it away.
The pain is his own as it flows through his veins.
His heart drops along side tears.
A broken soul, a broken memory.
A shattered reflection of the years gone by.
"Darkness has taken me, there is no more time," he cries.
Yet, his words are swallowed in the shadow of the raven.
Now a shadow, he kneels beside his lifeless body.
No way to undo what was done.
No way out of these shadows of despair.
And so it was,
The moon has turned.
Silver light banishing a dark shadow.
Damned to walk among the living forever without a voice.
No one to hear his cries of sorrow.
No touch of love.
No peace, no comfort here.
Just a shattered reflection of the years gone by.
A broken mind, a broken heart.
A shadow of an image I once held as my own.
Hopeless
Raven
March 3, 2001
I'm so alone now.
The colors have paled and shadows take their places.
I can no longer see the writing on the cards.
I don't know where to go from here.
The sky grows dark in my eyes.
Nothing is ever the way it used to be.
And I find myself unable to move from my bed.
I fear the sleep that comes.
I fear the waking hours.
Is there no one to save me from this damnation?
No one there to reach out for me.
I'm falling too far, too fast.
I don't have the strength to hold on much longer.
I fear it may be too late for me.
May the ocean tides come to take me away.
May I sleep the slumber of the dead and never awaken.
I find myself waiting for the crimson river to still its waters.
The ice has worked its way into my veins.
Now I am frozen and alone in eternal darkness.
The snow has captured all I cherished.
Blind, deaf, mute, numb.
I can only pretend it is all ok.
I just wish that this were real.
I just wish I had never become,
This.
When Did I Fall?
Raven
February 26, 2001
I once hid among the shadows.
Searching for a way to crawl from the darkness.
And I faltered with each step I took.
A failure with each breath.
I always had to be the strong one.
I would never believe I needed anyone.
I shut my heart to weakness.
Thus shutting myself to love.
But, now that you are here, I find that I was wrong.
I see my weakness and my faults.
The truth that I need you in my life.
You are the one to make me whole.
I have no need for darkness or light as long as you are near.
I want to protect you the way you protect me.
This is the safest place to be.
In your arms and away from the world.
You are all I've searched for in my life.
Everything I've ever wanted to find.
I pray this will never fade away.
Though I've opened my eyes to find I was only dreaming.
A Song And A Wish (CHEESY)
Raven
February 23, 2001
I sing in a far away dream.
A song for my only love.
Sadness in wanting.
For the love to be given.
Stay with me tonight.
I have been locked away in shadows.
Don't stay away tonight.
There is much I have to share.
Much to give and believe.
Maybe I believe you'll be there.
I am so afraid to change.
But, I would change for you.
I would give my heart to you.
I never want this to go away.
How I want to hold onto you forever.
And I fear I will have to let you go.
My only wish is to be near you always.
A wish in a far away dream.
A wish for my only love.
Exile From Eden
Raven
February 11, 2001
And the danger begins, it grows within me.
Taking on a form of what was and now to come.
From a time when Eden was closed and I became the fallen angel.
There is no salvation for one such as this.
And I grieve and grieve for the lost soul within me.
A mirror of the past, a door to the future.
Things are getting hazy and cruel.
I can't stop it, I can't tame it.
No way to make it leave my heart.
This divorce of the spirit from the flesh.
I look for that shaft of light so I may escape.
A light to make it's way through the abyss that contains me.
Where do I go from here?
Who do I love, who do I trust?
I guess we are not honest in our ways.
Our love and trust are put in our vanity.
And we have all become mechanical.
We are all without our souls.
Now I search for the truth in all the things I see.
For a way to open the gates of Eden.
The Mirror's Voice
Raven
February 6,2001
Deliver me from this darkness that has captured me.
Save me from the creature I have become.
Bring me out into the light and make me yours.
Show me to the world as your creation.
Be proud of me, love me.
I belong only to you, my creator.
Piece together, once more, the mirror that was shattered.
And see me as you see yourself.
Unbroken and free from the chains of sorrow.
You are the key to the mysteries you cannot explain.
I am the gate to a past that you have forgotten.
Remember me as I once was.
And together we can overcome the lies and treachery of the past.
You only must believe and look within the mirror.
For when you look upon my face, you look upon your own.
Threat Of Battle
Raven
February 6, 2001
Days away and I am another year older.
And I feel hundreds of thousands of years older.
This day has never been right.
For the night has brought forth remembrance.
And now I am afraid of my future.
As the past may come to take it away.
I fear what I have gained for the loss of it all.
Please tell me this can never be true again.
And tell me this dream will never come to us.
For many trials and near destruction could overtake us.
I know you are coming for me soon.
To be united as one against the world and it's shadows.
I know, for the dream said so.
And if this dream brings me to you, then it shall bring the nightmare
as well.
This is my battle, it should never be yours.
If the battle comes, I will need you by my side.
For I know I cannot do it alone this time.
In you I see my hopes and dreams.
In him I see my fears.
The choice to make is plain to see.
I wish to destroy my fears.
And this will be the final battle.
May it never come to pass.
Unveiled
Raven
February 4, 2001
There is a kind of solace within the silence.
But, I am alone in a room with no way out.
I can only hear a voice that is my own.
I could scream until I disappear.
But, I stay to hear what you have to say.
So, say what you must say to me and free me from this.
Stand in the place I stand and know the reasons why.
The reason why I am so afraid to believe.
And maybe I have fallen too far, maybe it's not too late.
I don't possess the courage to know.
I fear so much that I have become foolish.
Foolish enough to believe a fallen one could care for me.
It could it be a dangerous game to play for the fallen to care for
the fallen.
Yet, you have given me a new kind of hope.
Freeing me from the chain that had me bound for years.
Yet, I remain in hiding, as things become unveiled.
I have torn the dark pages from my book of secrets.
And you have taken them to know.
But, you are still a mystery to me.
A shadow of a dream that haunts my soul.
I fear I have nothing to give now.
And no one is here to save me from myself.
How far will I go before it is too late?
How much longer must I endure this silence?
My fear of falling deeper grows with each dark day.
I fear that this curse shall never be lifted.
I fear they are right, I am not worthy of love.
So, where do I go from here?
What move should I make now?
The Shadows In The Mirror
Raven
January 30, 2001
I could hear them calling from the mirror.
Pleading to free me from my fate.
And I bled in the place that he left me.
I could scream no more.
I was so broken and alone.
I cried until the shadows came.
Through the mirror, like the wind, they came.
And it cost a soul, which he tore apart.
With promises of a new one born.
I await that day in my dreams.
But, I want to be this.
A dying dream that never awakens.
I can never change until I break the mirror.
This cycle of torment that was born of Eden.
The serpent's hold on the past is fierce.
My fate is no better as I crawl through this darkness.
I no longer want this.
I want it all to change.
I want to be taken from this mirror.
It is only a shadow's reflection.
Where is the one to free me?
Hear me now when I say,
Don't go away from here.
I can endure the silence no longer.
When did I truly fall?
Book Of Puzzles
Raven
January 29, 2001
An open book.
A dreamer's hand.
Pages blank and filled with blood
The history of a thousand deaths.
A book of secrets holds the key.
The way to place the pieces down.
A puzzle has remained unsolved.
Locked away in my book of history.
I have lost the key along the way.
Yet someone, somewhere, possesses it now.
I fear the puzzle of completion.
And the secrets that may be revealed.
But, perhaps my soul was trapped in the pages.
Am I willing to take that risk now?
It's just another dirty mirror.
Tainted reflections and razor edges.
The clipped wings of a fallen angel.
My mask has decayed beyond repair.
The world only sees a corpse.
Just another one of the undead.
Yet one sees beyond the mask.
Is this safe at all for me?
I fear the danger of myself exposed.
For anyone to truly see me.
But, there is nothing to protect myself.
So let it be, so shall it be.
This book of puzzles is almost complete.
The Mask Of The Fallen
Raven
January 25, 2001
The scale has become out of balance.
Dipping ever more to the darkness.
No amount of tears can save me from this.
I can't find the goodness I once possessed.
I am taken once more by rain and sorrow.
Though the earth is dry and cracked.
As bitter as the condition of my heart and soul.
And how I've tried to pass through the mirror.
To remove these masks I've no choice but to wear.
A kaleidoscope of faces that don't belong.
Maybe I never belonged at all.
The stars once shined and dazzled my eyes.
I was free then, never again will I be.
What is blind will never see.
Now I am as broken as the earth.
Bled dry and crumbling into a great nothingness.
I am lost to humanity and no one will ever find me.
And no one would care to save me.
The world is gone, lost, forgotten.
I've crossed a line that can never be crossed again.
Over the edge and falling into fathomless depths.
This is a place of no solace, there is no comfort here.
A shadow of the damned.
And all who touch me will become this.
For to know me is to become damned as well.
I am without a soul.
I am a plague that has opened the abyss to the world.
Now I may never remember the face that was once mine.
And I may never recover the goodness I once possessed.
This angel has lost his wings and fallen.
Dark Invitation
Raven
January 24, 2001
Broken glass and broken dreams.
I crawl through it and bleed my life away.
Shattered, fractured, jaded, hated.
I can't stand this anymore.
Don't go away to your own hell.
Or leave me alone in mine.
I've become this horrid creature.
It's not me and it's not free.
Darkness comes with a price.
But, you and me, we could end this now.
Take control of the world that destroyed our hopes.
And destroy the destroyers of our dreams.
Nothing would ever be able to stop us.
We would be free from the enslaver.
Shatter the mirrors of the evil reflection.
To bring in an empire of rain and thunder.
Nothing would ever hurt you again.
For I would not allow it.
I am willing to accept my role.
The choice now is yours.
Untitled
Raven
January 22, 2001
The mists of time swirl all through my head.
I am confronted by my image, a ghost from the past.
The lightning flashes in the mirror, I cannot escape.
I am forced to relive the memories that will not free me.
You have become a chain that binds me to the shadows.
You stole my heart and crushed my soul.
I tried to love you and you would not accept me.
I try to hate you, but it will not come.
I miss you and I never want to see you again.
I've lost so much these past few years.
I don't know how to let it go.
I am afraid, for everything would change with letting go.
Who was I before there was you?
No one seems to remember.
It seems like centuries have passed since the former life.
And I don't know what I have become.
I trust so very few people now.
Maybe it was all your fault.
I guess we were truly meant to meet each other.
Though we were never meant to be together.
I wander now in the fog of a memory that never was.
Trying to find the dream I long for.
Will I wander forever alone?
My soul is wandering out there alone.
Dreaming the same dreams.
Wishing to be found by the one who understands.
I can feel him somehow.
Does he know when I cry?
Does he feel the same chains that you've given to me?
I will free myself of you, though these chains will remain.
For they are not of you, but you found them for me.
My wandering soul possesses the key.
When we find each other, I will finally be free.
Standing By The Sea
Raven
January 20, 2001
Lost in a tidal wave of emotion so deep.
I go as it follows me to the end of time itself.
There is no escape from the greatest fear in your life.
Try and try as you might, you always fail.
I am weakened by a song.
By a memory that never was and a vision that will never be.
I build these dreams up only to watch them crumble to oblivion.
There is no peace, no comfort in my reflection.
The tears I shed are not enough to wash away these shadows.
I drown in the bitterness and insanity that is mine.
And they all say they've met none like me.
When a heart is open, it bleeds.
Then they are gone as I lay dying in the sea.
An ocean of madness that was made just for me.
Just rain and sand and empty shells.
What is left to see in this place?
Another soul made void that yearns to be among the living.
I am dead and alone in this room of many.
Will you look for me among the masses?
Will you bring life into me and create for me a new dream?
I know you are there, somewhere, somehow.
If I could send a light to guide you, I would.
But, light cannot survive in this darkness.
I am frightened by the sounds of nonexistence.
I will be here always, I will wait for you.
A Fallen Angel Bound
Raven
January 19, 2001
Nothing is good or pure in me.
All that I know has changed, died, and gone away somehow.
I am frustrated by this emptiness within these hollow walls.
What is left in this prison of flesh?
I can't find a reason or way to break open this darkness.
I am falling fast into a faded memory of what never was.
My dreams have begun to grow cold.
And I am colder still.
Spellbound by visions I will never truly own.
I would gain the world, but I would still be without my desire.
For what good is the world when you are cold and empty?
I would give my world for a touch, an embrace.
But, I am a shadow creature that doesn't know how to be loved.
I don't know how to believe.
The search has left me tired.
I can no longer move the way I once moved about.
I can only lie in wait for the one to wake me from this dream.
Wait for a love to pierce the veil of shadow and perdition.
Must I sleep forever in this shallow existence?
Under A Troubled Moon
Raven
January 15, 2001
The sanity has broken like twigs under a clouded moon.
I can't see through the gray or the blue.
What is real here?
What is true?
I can't find the way to save my life.
No way to save my soul.
I would cry bitter tears for you to come.
But, you are gone from here.
I am left alone.
If I could escape into my dreams,
I would bring you home to me.
I would find a way for us.
And we would recapture all that we've lost.
But, all we've lost is gone forever.
Lost in the deepest abyss.
There is no turning back to that time, now and forever.
You are gone with no hope of return.
And I am here searching.
Yet I know not what I search for.
Is there a way out for me?
When The Rain Falls
Raven
January 8, 2001
So peacefully, the rain descends.
Falling upon my dreaming mind.
I am caught up in these mournful tears.
May I never awaken from this.
The river of tears catches me up.
Carry me to the ocean, let me drown.
He calls to me from the mirror.
I cannot meet his gaze.
I know the face, the heart, and the soul.
My fingers slide on the rain covered glass.
This reflection can no longer be held.
The rain falls heavy and slow.
Its roar deafens me.
I am made mute by its sorrowful lullaby.
I cannot break away from here.
These chains bind me to this dark world.
I know the truth of the rain and the mirror.
For these are the tears of my torment.
And the reflection I refuse to see is mine.
The Journey
Raven
January 7, 2001
The present has become a mirror to my past.
It seems to all be starting over again.
Will I learn from my mistakes and make it right?
Or will I allow history to repeat itself again?
I can't seem to find what is right.
Searching blindly for what I wish for.
I see many paths before me.
Yet, I lack a sense of direction.
It matters not the destination,
But, how I get there that matters.
These roads are frightful and long.
And I will prevail, somehow.
Though I know not the way.
I can only let go, for no map may save me.
I am afraid, I am only beginning.
And I pray that the past does not repeat in me.
Beginning Time
Raven
January 1, 2001
This is the time when the old has died away.
The birth of a new time has begun.
I fear now what is to come before me.
Blinded by a light I've never seen in this life.
I have become the fool.
I fear it, I run, and I crave it.
What really happens when the worlds of light and darkness meet?
Do they see all that is within?
I am so afraid, yet I embrace it.
I don't know what I am doing now.
The old has died away and I should have nothing to fear.
But I fear the new beginning.
Things change so much, yet it all remains the same.
I know what this beginning time will bring.
This beginning time will retrieve my soul.
Or it will prove to be my ultimate damnation.
I pray I survive.
I fear I will die again.
An Awakened Dream
Raven
December 30, 2000
The dreams escape into reality.
Light and darkness blend in perfect harmony.
He makes a sacrifice he'll never regret.
I've made a sacrifice I've always wanted.
All for the one and only truest love.
And I am no longer afraid.
I have been chosen to be this perfect love.
With all of my imperfections, I am made whole.
Though I have been in this prison of ice for centuries,
I have been freed by the warmth of another's heart.
I fear that I dream these things.
If this is so, may I never awaken.
Would this be a dream, then the stars would fall.
The sun would blacken and the moon would die.
For he is my sun, I am the moon.
So dark, I only reflect another's light.
If this dream of a sun awakens,
I will die, never to be seen again.
Solstice
Raven
December 21, 2000
This is the longest night of the year.
A time when the shadows of the past return to haunt me.
Another Christmas, another new year coming.
I remain alone in my loathing self-pity.
Shallow regrets and endless nights.
The stars mourn what I have become.
Just as empty as the night sky of their dwelling.
So numb, so cold, just nothing at all.
Isn't that what they wanted of me?
I don't know how to bring myself from the dead.
What will it take to save me from this?
The Ethereal Wind
Raven
December 17, 2000
A cacophony of wailing souls rushes through my open window.
The music of a long forgotten time fills the air.
The air is warm and inviting, yet so cold.
My eyes have taken on the perception of the surreal.
It feels as though, somehow, time has been displaced.
The numbness that has plagued me for so long is gone.
But, it will return again soon.
And now I feel every ache and crack within my heart, my soul.
I am made mute and soaked by a thousand tears.
How did I come to this place?
I feel myself slipping into the never-ending world of shadows.
For there is no anchor to keep me in the light.
I am ever wandering through the etheric dreamscapes that haunt me.
I've grown so weary and I can barely grasp what is left of me.
All of this seems so completely unreal.
As if I were forever trapped within some nightmarish dream.
A dream from which I fear I may never awaken.
I have taken the role of sleeping beauty, yet I am without beauty.
I pray the wind will take me so far from this place of the damned.
To take me away before it is too late.
For this way leads to nowhere.
I have become forgotten.
Among The Silent
Raven
December 16, 2000
It is just another night alone.
Screaming with a voice that will never be heard.
What is there now?
I take my place among the silent.
There is no freedom here.
I've tried and I've tried and I've tried.
Yet nothing I do can save me.
My cries go unheard among the masses.
I know my voice is here, somewhere.
It was gone before I knew.
I wonder how I've survived this long.
And I wonder how long this could go on.
I wander alone in the darkness.
Sitting among the silent.
This is my fear, that I should forever wander.
I cannot be this way.
And I can't hide from this dreadful truth.
Too many years without a voice.
How long will it run from me?
The Becoming
Raven
December 15, 2000
I can feel it coming now.
There is another end to take me over.
I believed there was nothing worse than death.
I was more wrong than the dying of the innocent.
Don't you want this life?
Do you want to be torn apart each day?
I feel like something chewed and spit away.
I could be anything I want.
But, I am held back by the dreaded word of father.
I cannot breathe without feeling the death of myself.
I am dead to all I've cherished.
I wish to be reborn.
I want to live again.
I am trapped here and I can't find my way.
There is nothing I wouldn't give to feel life again.
I would sell my soul at this point.
He never believed in me.
And, with his disbelief, I've become nothing more than a shadow.
I always believed that a love gone wrong made me into this.
But, this was created long before.
The day I was born.
And now I become more of who I am.
I am evil.
I am good.
Darkness and light bound in one.
Darkness and light tell me things.
So many things bound in one word.
The thing my soul cries for each day.
No, this word is not love.
I believe it is more powerful than that.
My soul, my heart, my self.
We all cry out.
Not for the love truly lost.
But, only for this one word.
Freedom.
And for this word I am becoming something true.
What could be more true than freedom?
And now I'm becoming.
I am becoming,
Damned..
One Tear
Raven
December 14, 2000
Just one tear and where did it go?
All I needed was just one tear.
But, it has escaped my eyes and I never knew.
Or maybe it is still in there, somewhere.
Just one tear is all that is left of my heart.
For I have been so afraid of dying.
But, what if I have already died?
All I feel is numbness.
Where is that tear when you need it?
Just one is all it takes.
I could sail away to a new world of hope.
A world where my dreams become real.
But, I fear that my dreams will always be a myth.
And I still cannot find my tear.
What would I do if I could actually find it?
Would I find that I am alive after all?
So many roads to follow, yet there is no guide.
What if I find that I could love once more?
Do I want that chance to be broken again?
I should say no, never again to love.
But, I fear, I must say yes.
I will take that chance.
I could open my soul once more to another.
But, there is no one there this time.
No voice to guide me.
And there is only one tear left.
Tell me, where did it go?
Tornadoes
Raven
December 12, 2000
I will never lie to you.
It's going to be harder now.
Loving me is like holding a tornado.
I go everywhere at once.
My shadow has been scattered.
My heart is almost unseen.
I don't know why you would want me.
But, you do.
I never knew until this moment how much I love you.
And now I am afraid of you leaving.
Can you handle the pain I go through each day?
Will you hold me when things seem their darkest?
I need you like I need the air I breathe.
Your pain is my own, as well as your joy.
And I will forever be there for you.
I will comfort you as you comfort me.
I will love you as you have loved me.
Scattered Shadow
Raven
December 11, 2000
All the tears I've cried, I've cried for what was me.
Someone long dead and now a shadow of who he used to be.
I wanted to be strong, wanted to be free.
I wanted to be loved and you wouldn't let me.
I wanted to go and you had me chained.
I must break free from this.
There must be some way out of this.
But, I am so afraid.
I don't know how to live in this world.
I enter the light and my thoughts scatter like ashes in the wind.
I run away again.
I am not strong enough to crawl from this abyss.
I cannot see or think or feel.
Tell me there is a way.
Tell me I can feel again.
Tell me where my soul has gone.
And, most of all, tell me I am not alone.
Nothing
Raven
December 10, 2000
After all the time I've tried to remember.
After waiting for this storm to pass.
Only nothingness is where I have found myself.
An oblivion as cold as this prison of ice.
I have nothing left to give.
Nothing is my only possession.
I know, I know there is something more than this.
I need to have something more than this.
I could cry many rivers to drown this.
I could scream it all away.
Or maybe just dream myself away.
If only I could remember what it was.
But, there is nothing.
And this storm will never pass.