new site.
[rapture]
::grin::
insight
"and fighting time
so hard i pray
that this moment lasts forever..."
may 2000
june 2000
monday july 3 2000 11.38pm
went to cville friday. hung out, spent the night at gopal/justins. went to the dawning saturday. good show...me in bad mood. spent the night at marikas. went dt. spent the night at justin/gopes. yay. that was my weekend. now i am home. brb...going to get the tape for gundam.
tuesday july 4 2000 12.38am
thats neat. its exactly one hour later. i dunno...im kinda amused by the slight irony we have just experienced. i dont understand you!!! fucking shit...youre just...too much. too much confusion. im going to have my cigarette now. no! no im not. i like screaming at this computer screen, because i dont feel the slightest bit bad, and maybe i even feel better. wow, im going to complain about "imaginary boi" now. not that hes imaginary, but i guess he is to most of you out there. imaginary boi confuses the fuck out of me. imaginary boi says one thing, does another. i think i do the same. but i think imaginary boi knows exactly what hes doing. thats the worst part of all. imaginary boi does what he does and doesnt feel anything afterwards. but this girl...this girl is going mad, its quite unfortunate, i think. its my fault though, i know that, but you...i think youre encouraging it! i really do. ::nod:: wow. this is getting me nowhere. silly. bye.--vanessa
wednesday july 5 2000 2.54pm
so theres the infamous "imaginary boi". i didnt mean for him to be infamous, but it seems as if out of nowhere, lots of people are interested in whoever he may be. i didnt even know that many people read this. but they do. ::shrug:: whooop. so im looking at him, and he doesnt even realize it, and (as i told elizabeth) its so strange when you look at someone and he makes your heart ache. he doesnt even have to do anything, just be there, and... ::sigh:: i dont know where im going with that. i dont know. time for tea. :) but were out of the gooood stuff, so its strawberry and kiwi for me. :/ i like the black cherry best. and im listening to dmx. ::grin:: i wish marika would come on here, for gods sake, i just want to talk to her. just a little. the last few times ive talked to her she seems so...cold. bitchy even. (forgive me for that one, marika.) i honestly think that somethings up with her, but i cant...well, she isnt saying much. so i dont know. and patrick appears to be online but...well, i dont think he could be. thats odd. okay, im off. this is boring.--me
3.18pm
god im a fucking nut. :/ i always get these plans in my head, usually right before i fall asleep, of the perfect thing to say to him. and then i think that once i say that perfect thing, he will say *exactly* what im sitting there expecting him to say, and then ill say another perfectly planned thing and somehow well end up having this conversation, and everything will go exactly as planned, which means in the end ill be happy. at least somewhat satisfied with whatever outcome. but i never am! he never says what i expects. never ever. i tried saying something a second ago but it just looked dumb, as so many things i say do. i think im going to try it again. hes going to think im crazy. :/ if he doesnt already. oh well ::shrug:: when youre this low there isnt much left to lose. ::sigh:: here i go. into the great unknown of actually *doing* something...
3.53pm
so i did it. i just told him that i liked him (yeah, a little underplayed), and that he was torturing me. and thats that. i really dont have to right to bitch and angst about anything anymore, because i just took care of it. the only way i know how, other than making it disappear in my little world of prettyness...i put myself out on the line, and hopefully its over now. ::shrug:: i dont know what that means for friendship but... ::shrug:: yeah. something like that.
thursday july 6 2.49am
you know what, you people suck. obviously not all of you, but the ones that i trusted my secret with. this whole "imaginary boi" thing. why the fuck did you have to go off and say something. and since you seem to have no problem going around and talking about my secrets, then im going to have no problem saying really loudly: justine, that was a completely retarded asshole-ish thing to do!!! wheeee. that was fun. you know what, for everyone who seems to be so interested in my personal life, you should be happy enough reading my journal. i dont know why you have to go a step further than that, and i really dont know why that isnt enough for you, and why you have to go and spread rumors in addition! ::grumble:: assholes.--vanessa ps--i am NOT a happy girl. not at all. damnit.
11.59am
i dont know why im up so early. ::grumble grumble:: i called marika, just to check on her, but she said she couldnt talk. she said her father was waiting for an important call. i just wanted to talk to her for a moment, god it wouldve been nice to just heare her voice had she not been so cold with me. :/ i dont get it! i mean...if this problem is something with me then tell me please? i mean...thats what bestfriends do, last time i checked. well, bye then. im going to try avoiding the computer a little today. because i want to hide that badly!--me.
friday july 7 2000 9.18am
here i am. i am such an unhappy girl. im really silly. really really silly. in many ways. hah, i had planned on writing a lot of things in here, but just now i have changed my mind, because i dont trust myself, and i dont trust a lot of you...now. ::shrug::--me.
sunday july 9 2000 2.51am
i had come to some great revelation today, while listening to davyds set, but i dont remember what it was. but it was good. i really should write these things down on the spot. thats why...i need a laptop. :) so that i can bring it to the dawning, and report in with my grand inspirations minutes after i recieve them. marika didnt come to the dawning, and basically the only thing even close to contact that i have with her right now is through her sister. and i guess marika isnt coming to the dawning, wont talk to anyone. grand. good to know what friendship is all about. ::scowl grunt:: an-y-waaaay...love is a funny thing. even funnier than attraction. attraction is funny, because its often so unlikely. but love is funny because...because its uncontrollable. i can sit there and tell myself to stop, give myself a million reasons to never think of him again. but every reason is followed by two why i should think of him, every minute of every day. and just when i think i can walk away, he walks through that door...and im lost again. so i dont know what to do with it. i realize now that there is nothing i will ever be able to do to make him love me. only because im on both sides now, with two differant people. im cared about by someone, but i just dont know how to care about him anymore. i sometimes even wish i could! but its not there, he cant talk me into it, he cant do or say anything. its just not there. and knowing that, from this side, it makes it so much easier to understand all of the bois who have never returned my feelings for them. because i guess its either there or its not. ::sigh:: see? love is funny. goodnight until i get bored again...cigarettes and anime to be had and enjoyed. thouroughly. im going to look at the stars again, it makes things clearer.--vanessa.
tuesday july 11 2000 1.11pm
i am writing in here out of pure boredom and lack of anything better to do. kellee and elizabeth are (im pretty sure now) going to come over friday so we can have our "slumber party". lol...like little girls...i love it. :) thats basically the excitement of my week. and saturday hopefully a few of us will be going to see "x-men". and this time, blame marika if the movie sucks. it was not my idea for once. :) ::shrug:: okay, this is silly, im going to eat lunch. byeeee.
2.24pm
thursday...i meant thursday. i need tea. i like gary numan. and nick cave. they make me happy. bye.
wednesday july 12 2000 8.31pm
last night i was listening to vnv nation as i slept, and right before i drifted off "firstlight" was playing, and i had one of those maybe goofy right before you go to sleep revelations that i was that song. i know this doesnt make much sense, ive been trying to explain it to people all day. its just that, the song meant so much to me that just singing it or dancing to it didnt mean enough, i wanted to be the song. i wanted people to think of me when they heard it, and to think of the song when they heard me, and i wanted to find some way to become part of the song. yah, dont laugh. ::smirk:: anyway, while i was online earlier today, davyd imed me and started quoting the song. he said that it reminded him of me... it was just so strange. yeah but it made me happy, made my whole day to be quite honest. ::grin:: i love weird things like that. anyway...i guess im going to go into cville tomorrow, even though i still utterly despise the place. :/ blaaah, maybe i wont? i dunno. ::shrug:: i guess it depends on whether or not i will have a ride into town for that show at the rose, and if not, then ill have to just go into town fucking early. :/ yuuuck. i hope i can get a ride. okay, im off to get back on the net, i havent spent enough time on there today. :)
thursday july 13 2000 2.06pm
"owe no man anything, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law." yay for quoting the bible. hehehe... well, i think i have seriously fucked up a friendship! yeah...good for me...just grand. :/ i fucking suck. "so must i let this end, and everything fall apart, before i live my life as i have always done" ::scowl:: yeah. ::sigh:: however, i will not wallow in self pity! thank god, ive finally learned how completely useless that is. good for me. bravo. btw--if you think this is about you...it prolly isnt.
sunday july 16 2000 3.26am
another saturday, another dawning. (gawd that sounded cheesey, i apologize now.) i love that place more than almost anywhere, and i know that a lot of people scoff at it but... ::shrug:: fuck that. :/ i mean, its so great to me to be able to go somewhere and dance. to hear the music loud, feel it as if its pulsing through my veins, and to move as if i were a part of it all. theres nowhere else that i can feel more free. i dance because im angry, because im frustrated, even because i feel happy and carefree for that one moment in time. and while that one song plays, while im stomping and swirling around, bumping into the people around me, staring at the ceiling, staring at the floor, staring into someones eyes from across the room...for that one moment, there is nothing else. nothing else matters but that i dance for everything i feel. i love it. i am alive. ::sigh:: heh.. :) but my ankles hurt a little. hehehe. tonight was great, thank you thank you thank you karin for playing "standing". grr...im still a little frustrated with the way things are between me and mostly one other. (i suppose i have "issues" witha few people, but nothing else like this.) but i realize now that whatever goes on, its not his fault anymore. i know the truth (i think) i know the way things stand (mostly), and i know that whatever i think or doubt about him, i am creating. hes just there. and i want to make a bigger deal out of everything because i care about him, and i want to think that i could mean to him what he means to me... but whatever, i cant change it. and sitting around and being sad and mopey cant change it either. accept it, deal with it, and live life. thats my new way of looking at things. yes it will be hard...yes it will be trying and confusing and irritating and painful but...fuck it. thats the way it is. take it or leave it. and i gues...i say take it. ::sigh:: im really in quite the typing/talking mood right now. i think im still having a little bit of the rush that seems to come along with getting out of my house for the one day a week, seeing everyone, dancing, smoking practically an entire pack of cigarettes in one night. (::scowl:: my theory is...if i smoke all of them then, i wont need them for the rest of the week. somehow i think im going to get over this *yes i admit it* addiction. dunno, i have funny reasoning.) well looks like exboi got himself another girl. :) good good good...i think thats good. i also got paranoid and was convinced he was laughing at me all night but...grr, thats just me. hehehe i want a boi again. damnit. im sure it will pass. i am far from lonely, i have people. damnit, i just want to kiss someone. no no, cant say that...because i do that too... hmm, i have no argument here. ill just stop now. im dizzy. i want cheese, i think. doo doo doo...later. :)
wednesday july 19 2000 12.46am
i bleached the shorter part of my hair tonight. i tried (once again) to bleach the purple out, but (once again) it turned bright hot pink. whatever, i kinda like it. i put four streaks of purple in as well. ::yawn:: how interesting, hmm? im not feeling too especially well, although better than this morning i suppose. i think its a minor cold thing. im being REALLY lazy, not even getting up to get on the computer until about now. i guess i checked my mail once or twice, but thats all. "and that, knowing the time, that now it is high time to awake out of sleep: for now is our salvation nearer than when we believed." hehehe im getting really into the bible verses, some of them are pretty neat. doodadoo...guess what im doing? yup, listening to vnv. im dling fields of the nephilim, so i guess thats good. a little variety in my life. :) sunday was fun. elizabeth kellee and marika came over, we went grocery shopping and cooked dinner around 12m. then we watched "suspiria" which was pretty good, and "boys dont cry" which was quite a disappointment. ah well. ::shrug:: nothing to do tomorrow, but im going to "shut up and listen" thursday. karmen is cool, i like her a lot. :) so is davyd, fun fun fun. im really bored but not quite tired, so i guess im going to look at everyone elses sites now. goodnight everyone.
10.54pm
"and i dont believe in the existence of angels but looking at you i wonder if thats true but if i did i would summon them together and ask them to watch over you to each burn a candle for you to make bright and clear your path and to walk, like Christ, in grace and love and guide you into my arms" blah blah blah i dont really mean that. im probably just writing what i think is pretty. im slowly losing that part of me that wants to care endlessly for people, one in particular, and although that should be a good thing...it doesnt feel like it. i feel like im denying a part of myself, or something. the funny thing is, im probably only doing what i think you would want, and what i think you would respect. if it were up to me, i would care about you forever, never getting even a glance in my direction from you in return. that goes for everyone ive cared about. but in my twisted attempt to get you to notice me or respect me or whatever i feel you dont do at that moment while im caring, i will act towards you as you do towards me. careless, unconcerned. of course it never works. until eventually i do stop caring, at least as much as i used to. but theres always that little hole in my heart that is only for you. i dont know what to do to get rid of it. theres several in there now, and its growing every day. yours is the deepest. anyway, im getting mushy hmm? enough of that. it wont help anyway. goodnight.
friday july 21 2000 2.20pm
here i am downtown again. i wish it werent so, sort of. i guess this is slightly more entertaining than covesville, but only slightly. bruce treated me to lunch, that was nice. and im going to see "x-men" tonight, and a show at the rose. then tomorrow...i guess that will be "x" at midnight. thats the only thing i have to look forward to. now that i think about it...it would make me a lot happier to go see "x-men" tonight and then just go home. i really dont feel the need to stay in cville if i dont have to. but i dunno, i kinda wanna go to that show. sort of. the more i think about it the less i give a fuck. no, at this point i dont want to go at all. ill prolly end up calling my mummy dearest after the movie. and then saturday, well yes, saturday ill be stuck in town again. whoope. as for right now, i have nothing to do. thats why im here. writing about complete nonsense. because theres nothing else to do now. i feel like an asshole, being that i have this clever knack for making things more fucked up then they should ever have to be. goddamn im an idiot. oh well, no one to blame but myself. and wallowing in self-pity is dumb, so im just going to stop all of this now. im going to...look at sites. bye.
monday july 24 2000 10.32pm
i was just going to have another boring sunday, sitting around watching the sci-fi channel, but thank god above, elizabeth called, and she and kellee and chris bob came and rescued me. so i got to spend a good part of my night playing the demo on his keyboard and singing and throwing stars and eating ice cream and other such wonderful things. gawd i love those girls, sooo very much. :) its just so great to be around people that i so adore, laughing and smiling and being silly. its so much better than sitting here alone all the time. im really getting tired of it. anyway, no moping, i promise. (at least not in public.)
tuesday july 25 2000 7.07pm
i dont know why the hell i think the way i do. every time my mother does something to cause me pain, i sit here and think about how i would like...a lover. or something. at least someone to talk to. why cant i talk to any of my friends? well...i can...but i hold back certain things with one, other things with another... i want someone that i can tell everything. blah anyway, she kind of teased me, like we were going to go out to dinner together, but then she left without me. so im sitting here drinking her beer, and listening to "solitude", and wishing i had someone. a cigarette would be nice, too, but ive quit. again. i really want to do it this time, i hope that makes the difference. silly reasons, perhaps--i dont want to smell, and i want to be able to dance all night without getting tired. so thats that. im going to quit. i love the fact that i can get a buzz from one bottle of beer, that makes me smile. :) see that? im smiling. i feel like hanging out with someone i dont normally hang out with. then again, im also having these weird dreams about someone that i dont normally dream about. ah well...its not even a romantic thing. its just that, someone understood a part of me at just the right time, and it meant a lot. so i guess...that someone is on my mind a little more than usual. not at all in a romantic way, i want to stress that. i just think its neat, that they came along at just the right time. it would be nice to be friends with someone like that, if they always came along at just the right time, right when it was needed, then i would be a very happy girl. now im on de\vision, some song ive never really listened to before. i usually listen to "try to forget", this is... "love me again" aww, how sad. how very very sad. i wonder what i will look like in two years? i wonder what i will think like, and act like? or where i will be? hmm...ive been thinking about that a lot lately, as well. who i am going to be in two years. i know what i want to be...beautiful, intelligent, comfortable, happy...and still caring about the same boi that i care about now. the only difference should be that, if i can acheive all of those things, then maybe he will care about me too. thats the goal... im bored, no dinner for me now. i hope shes having a fucking great time...shes probably out meeting that ho of a boyfriend of hers, anyway. and then when he acts like the asshole that he is (yet again), its me who has to deal with her mood swings and nonsense. great. something to look forward to.
wednesday july 26 2000 4.19am
::sneeze:: excuse me...heh... what the hell am i doing?? i should be in bed sleeping, but i suppose im just too hyped up now. once again, the day was saved. :) bruce called and invited me to go to godfreys, so he and christiane drove out here to get me, we picked up liam and rebecca, and headed out for a night-o-fun. and fun it was. hmm, i think the most played songs were--covenant: five, vnv nation: four (two in a row, even) wolfsheim: three, depeche mode: two, and apoptygma berzerk: two (possibly more). yeah, all the usuals, for those who keep track of these things. ;) you know... anyway, it was a lot of fun. i admit i had one cigarette, some filterless get cancer now program that i had to literally fight for and eventually steal from liams pocket. oh, but it was worth it. the first half was wonderful, made me perky and got rid of my headache. the second half made me feel like shit, and reminded me why i was quitting. yuck. it gets better...when i was sitting down, a man sat down next to me and said "youre cute, you wanna have sex??" hmm. no. and so i said, "no." then he replied with "do you know where i can get some crack?..." hmm. "...i wouldnt ask, except i wanna dance and my back is stiff...i thought it would help..." hmm. no. then liam stood in the middle of the dance floor, smoking and getting in everyones way. it made me laugh. a lot. :) i proceeded to imitate the dancing of everyone at the dawning, including elizabeth, bill, bruce (or at least i TRIED), nathan, andy, rebecca...probably others, but ive forgotten. and i did the robot. liam did the robot too. :) it was just great, exactly what i had needed. to get out of the house, to hang out with people that i wasnt strangely uncomfortable around or felt i had to act a certain way with. and i got to dance, dancing is great. :) and i got a kiss. ::grin:: that was the best... ::sigh:: so im tired now, im going to bed. goodnight.
thursday july 27 2000 3.13am
"i want to wake up where you are...i wont say anything at all..." ::sigh:: blah blah blah, more of the same. i cant sleep, and elizabeth is gone. no one online, me vera vera bored. im trying to horde everything from napster that i can, as its going to be shut down friday. ::grumble:: bastards. i dont know what im going to do all day, now. hmm...maybe ill learn another language? right. ill just read a lot. i got a neat sisters of mercy song today, "something fast" its the only song of their that i can enjoy apart from the album "first and last and always" i dont know why i dont like anything else they have done. i just dont. i need to color my hair again, that would be fun. hmm. i would really like to sleep now, but just one more song...just one more... :/ im going to stop writing now, goodbye.
friday july 28 2000 2.17am
listening to the "sailor moon theme", german techno remix. :) it makes me unbelievably happy to be alive. so tomorrow is friday, bor-ing. i will just sit here and watch tv. fuck fridays. im really happy about the dawning this week, though. blah i cant complain about it, not one bit. its all i do all week that isnt sitting in here, sitting in the living room watching tv, sitting upstairs listening to music, or sleeping. and i like it better than ALL of those things combined, good good. i talked to marika and liam for a bit on aim, then they both signed off at the same time. then i was talking to adam, who i have been sort of exchanging emails with for a day or so. then he signed off. then i talked to carrie for a very short time, now shes gone, and im bored. im thinking about sushi. mum brought some home for dinner tonight, that was great, except now its gone. and i still havent smoked since tuesday. ::sigh:: im getting better. occasionally a clove prances past my minds eye, teasing me and shaking its tobacco-sweetness in my direction. but ::shrug:: what can i do? even if i WAS going to smoke, i dont have anything way out here. the entire town, if it can ever be considered more than just a bump in the ground, is like one huge rehabilitation clinic. you cant get ANYTHING out here! no cigarettes, theyve prolly never even heard of cloves, no alcohol, practically no people. just me and the cats and the fridge that wont shut the fuck up. what the HELL is wrong with that damned thing? as long as weve had it, its been making this terrible never-ceasing electronic moaning noise. it makes me want to kill myself. it makes me want to run back and forth, beating my head against it repeatedly until i dont hear the noise anymore, either because i broke it, or i died. yes, i want a fight to the death showdown between the fridge and i. the bastard. you know what else i want?? cheese nips. im going to get some, brb. louder louder LOUDER was the fridge in there! damnit, i would unplug it, but every time i do that i forget to plug it back in. mum hates that. i think it ruined our milk. hmm, orange juice. no, no, the milk technically went bad on wednesday. damn, and i ate it in my fruity pebbles last night. :/ yuu-uck. hmm... orange juice is from florida. i love orange juice, i dont like florida. the cruxshadows are ALSO from florida. i dont like the cruxshadows and i dont like florida. florida loses. or does my love for orange juice save the day?? front line assembly can be abbreviated "fla" as you can also abbreviate FLORIDA "fla" i like fla...as in front line assembly. so i guess i wont have to bomb the state of florida, after all. hmm, the backstreet boys and nsync are both located in florida. hmm. so is disneyland. but disneyland has a huge at-at (from "star wars") near the star wars ride. and liam said that in japan theres a gundam ride, with a LIFE-SIZED GUNDAM. so i think florida loses, and japan wins. just because a life sized gundam makes me smile like a motha fucka. im sure there are other states than florida with oranges. this cant be the end...its just cant be the end... "end" is such a world of bleakness and darkness and blackness and emptyness. florida is not. therefore...florida cannot be the end. they dont equal eachother. there are no losers, and there are no winners here. there are just goths. lots and lots of goth. woohaa.
4.33am
did i stay up too late? did i read too much? did i listen to the wrong/right songs at the wrong/right time? all of the sudden, everything looks completely as it always was, yet completely differant. its like...the picture was always the same on the tv screen, but now its in color rather than black and white. i found the tracking button. :) it makes sense now. all of it, so far. everything that has crossed my mind since i read your words...everything has made sense. i was just wandering around, waiting for a song to dl, and i thought id check in on a few of my friends sites that i havent visited in a while. i started with lauren, and thats where ive been for the last hour or so, i would estimate. reading every last word of what you have written. im sorry for every time i ever misjudged you according to my own standards. not harshly or at all badly, but inaccurately. im sorry that i never really got to know you before you left, :) that wouldve been nice. im sorry i didnt dance with you at the dawning. and as far as my personal issues go... 1)im tired of compromising. 2)im tired of silencing myself. 3)im tired of fighting the things i should let be, and not fighting the things that deserve a good beating. 4)im tired of the net. (only temporarily, im sure.) i want to read a book a day. 5)im tired of worrying who thinks what about me. fuck that, life goes on either way. why go through all the trouble of hiding? 6)im tired of stereotypes. 7)im tired of my repetitive life. i want to do something new every single fucking day. and yes, im getting a little militant about it. 8)im tired of people talking shit. so instead of sitting there quietly, i will tell them to shut the fuck up. 9)i want to ride a bike. something needs to change, im stagnant. its disgusting, its not life. this is not life! i dont know what is, but im determined to find it. and thank you to everyone who held me up high enough and long enough to give me the chance to crawl through that open window...that wasnt out of reach, after all.
5.13am
im shaking im sobbing without tears...i feel like i may pass out or throw up. i cant believe i just shoved a fucking safety pin through my fucking nose. god DAMN it! i think it really fucking hurt! i never do my piercings like that, i always do it slowly, over an entire hour, even. nope, not today. i put on wolfsheim and wiggled the pin around a little. i put on vnv nation and wiggled it some more. "legion" came on and i counted to five (twice) and shoved the fucker through. so...im supposed to fit a ring through that tiny hole? ri-ight. i think im just going to drink some water and sit down. oh, im pale. im very pale. what a night.
5.17am
i am back. oh my...im just waiting until this song is done dling, and then im going to try to put a ring in. wow. ::drinking water and staring at things:: hmm. im so glad i did this. this would be the second time ive pierced my nose...hopefully i didnt fuck up too badly, and i can keep this one forever. gawd, its a lot more memorable than the last one. this one means a lot to me. if i can keep it in there...it will always signify this night of my life. i will remember who i cared about, what i was listening to, what i was doing (playing around on the net...hehehe). one day i will think about who i didnt know when i did it. ill think of how far ive come... and every time i eat grapes and hear the cure, ill think of that time i threw up on the metro station elevator after the concert. bella morte and probably all goth clubs will always remind me of the million and one nights ive spent at the dawning, dancing or sitting alone or bouncing from person to person. isnt it neat how we do that? how everything is connected to something else, and eventually its all pulled together to make...your life. but everything is connected. always. :) yah, im talking like a hippie, fuck you. ::grin snicker::
6.14am
okay kids...heres the fun part! putting the jewelry in didnt work...so i got to re- pierce my nose! yes, thats twice in one night. wowsa. hmm, im not going to take the earing that i have in there now out for a looong time. or at least until i find that thing gopal gave me quite a time ago, for my lip. it would be perfect. ::sigh:: now im just waiting for mum to wake up so i can show her. ive been awake for 19hours. ::grin:: ouch, my nose hurts a little. :/ damnit. okay, bye for real. for now. ;)
sunday july 30 2000 10.50pm
even more fun ::snort:: i had to take the damned thing out, i didnt have any jewelry. so thats four times ive pierced my nose, yet still i have nothing in there. i think ill just get someone else to do it, although i hate the idea. anyway, im working on a differant site now, so you prolly wont hear much from me until that ones up. i may be back from time to time. i may get bored. i may try to be funny by writing two completely differant things on two completely differant sites and seeing if you can tell whats true and whats not. ::smirk:: no, im too lazy for all of that nonsense. goodnight.--vanessa
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