all for nothing
i have been destroyed
he is gone
i will never see him again
he does not love me
oh i do not wish to live!
burn the hair from my head
i don't need its beauty anymore
tear the skin from my bones
rosy glow is useless without him
i don't want to see anyone but him
his voice is all i wish to hear
no food or wine can be as delicious as his kiss
no perfume so sweet as his scent
please, my love, i need you
take my heartfelt apologies
let me in once more
i must feel you again
i long to drink your sweet nectar
bathing in its salty beauty
i would do anything at all
just for one more chance
to slit your throat like the pig you are

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

i don't want to see your face again
it just brings more pain
please leave me alone
you're not worth this anymore
i love you so much more
than i can comprehend
and all that means now is
i don't want to see your face again
you used to bring me ecstasy
now all it seems to be is desolation
the tears roll down my cheeks
and you beg me to explain
but how can i tell you
the heartache that you bring
without you pushing me away?
i don't want to see your face again
i will deal with this
all on my own
so just stay away from me
let me heal completely
without you around
i can't stand having you here
i don't want to see your face again


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ode to my death

oh lord make it go away
no more this pain
this awful humiliation of life
i long for nothing but eternal rest
an end to all i have suffered
oh, to feel my life-blood drain away
what beautiful emptiness awaits me
naught but the cold dark night to welcome me
this world gone from my memory
with its passing my heart shall soar
finding freedom in death
as it never had in life
and finally will i know true joy
no longer the melancholy this place gives me
my burdens no more
the weight lifted from my shoulder
oh, to see life slip away
and know it is forever
this sleep i desire taunts me
beckoning with shadowy fingers
yet always just beyond my grasp
what crime have i committed
for me to suffer thus
have i forgotten myself
or tormented unknow gods
lay bare for me my transgressions
that i might repent of them
and fall gracefully to sleep
my worries naught but a faded memory
as a grainy photograph of days long past
save me from this world
a place where none have sympathy
for those in peril or in poverty
oh, to die, to sleep
such dear things in my mind
perchance to dream
aye, there's my fondest desire
to die, to sleep, no more
oh please can it ever end

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

into the mist

i see his face
receding
into the mist
fading fading away
drifting farther and farther from me
fading 
falling
into the mist
his face
my mind
his face
his eyes
shrouded by the mist
faded from view
his face
his beautiful glorious face
fading 
falling
into the mist
all that he is
or was
or will be
fading
all that i am
or could be
falling
into the mist
he is gone
into the mist
my life
my pain
my mind
falling away from me
losing what i am
what i was
what i will be
fading
his life
no more
not here
not with me
fading 
into the mist
the daze
the days
the ways
the pain
fading
falling away
leaving me empty
bereft
lost
in the mist
desperate dreams
of his face
his eyes
his life
fading
falling
lost in nothingness
lost my mind
lost his face
lost
in the mist
cries of pain
tears of loss
heartwrenching sobs
fading
into the mist
all is gone
all is lost
he is gone
he is lost
i am lost
in the mist
the mist has come
the dream is over
faded
fallen
into the mist

----------------------------------------------------------------------

i thought you were gone
i thought it was over
i was sure i would never have to deal with the pain again
i had forgotten how much it hurt
why did you have to look for me
why did i have to find out you were looking
i had finally stopped thinking about you
and then
one chance comment from a friend 
and it is all rehashed
all the tears i shed, wishing i still had you
all the times i plotted how to win you back
why can't you stay gone
why do i have to go through this again
i still love you
even after all you did
but i had forgotten the pain
i had hidden the feelings so deep they could not escape
or so i thought
stay out of my head
don't make me remember you
i don't want to hurt again
i was over the pain
i was moving on in my life
please stop looking for me
don't make it all come back
i want you back
but i can't deal with the pain
why can't you stay lost
why don't you forget i even exist
i had forgotten
i had left you in the dust of lost dreams
swept away by another's kiss 
another's caress
but all i needed was to hear your name
and i remembered everything
the kisses
the dreams
the future i thought we had
until you left me for another
i don't want you anymore
you hurt me too much
i don't need another broken heart
i don't need you in my life
i refuse to take you back
but god i remember it all so well
get out of my head
stay out of my life
pretend i'm dead
pretend i moved away
anything at all
as long as you stay gone
i can't take it again
it isn't worth it
but i still love you
and i think i always will
damn you