040101
yay a new month is here and i have somewhere to live when i have to move out of here!!!! i'm really happy about that in case you couldn't tell....finally i found somewhere to live, it just isn't quite where i wanted to be...sigh. ah well, beggars can't be choosers, right? it could be worse, though, i suppose. so my boss doesn't want me to move away and i told him he would have to give me a two-dollar-an-hour raise to keep me in this hellhole...he said he'll try. i really wish i could go to tampa, that was my original plan, but i don't make enough for an apartment there. i guess i'll deal with moving to a small town...at least i'll be closer to tampa so when i'm driving home drunk it'll only take me an hour instead of over two to get home. that's a plus. but at least i won't be homeless!!!! yay!!!!
i know i seem much happier than normal today i think the aleve is affecting me strangely....
triana
04/10/01
well...it's been rough here lately. struggling with a lot of moral decisions. i've decided i really don't like my boyfriend all that much, and i'm kinda tired of him ignoring me for everything else that pops up. so i'm not gonna put up with it anymore. the only real problem i have with breaking up with him is that the sex is good...but i'm sure i can find good sex somewhere else. and anyway, since i'm moving soon, we wouldn't be ] together much longer anyway. one of my friends was in a bad car wreck last week...she broke her ankle and her daughter, who's only 5 1/2, got chemical burns on her face from the airbag. granted the kid shouldn't have been in the front seat, but it still sucks for both of them.
i really don't want to move to sebring. it's a little country town in central florida and since i'm not exactly into country music, i don't think it will be very easy to meet people there. but i'll only e an hour away from either tampa or orlando, so it won't be all bad. i guess, when you have no other choices, a house in a small country town sounds better than a car anywhere i want to go....not that i would mind sleeping in my car, i just couldn't live in it. it's an itty-bitty saturn. i've slept in it before..believe me there isn't enough room.
well i don't know i'm kinda still asleep cuz i've only been awake long enough to smoke three cigarettes...so i think i'm gonna sign off now. i just wanted to pdate my hideous situation for anyone who's interested.
triana
04/20/01
happy 420 everyone!!!!
ok so i went to the town i'm moving to to see the new house and i'm walking through the mall to see
if any of the stores are hiring...and i go into camelot's to look for the disturbed cd...good cd btw...and the rap section and
the country section are the two biggest sections in the bloody store!!!!
needless to say, i am now officially afraid of this
place... i mean i knew it was a little down-home country town...but still. so i guess i'm stuck in anti-gothsville for a time...
sigh.
and then my boyfriend hadn't called in like two weeks...and i knew it was over..but still. i called him on wed night from
work cuz i had left some stuff at his house and i wanted to know if he could bring it to me. si just because i'm not the brightest
girl in the world, i said.."so who ya been fuckin for the past two weeks?" yeah, i know, pretty dumb, huh. so then we fought and
i told him he was lying to her because he wasn't in the market for a girlfriend, and well, it was ugly. but i guess it had to happen
sooner or later cuz i'm leaving in two months, but still. he could've at least broken up with me before getting a new woman...
i feel very expendable right now...
and i hate being depressed all the time it gets really damn old.
so i guess i can either drive to tampa all the time or i can get into country music and drinkin bud...hmmmm.....i wonder.....
lol
gee what should i do with myself....i'm moving far away from everyone that knows me...maybe i can have a man that will actually
care how i feel...shiver scary thought.
well i'm really damn sleepy so i guess i should go to bed now...smoke one for me
it's 420 dammit!!!!
triana
04/27/01
well it has been a short month according to this page, but between crying over stupid shit and packing shit, i've been damned busy here.
btw...if anyone who actually reads this stuff lives in sebring florida, damn do i want to meet you cuz i'm gonna be trapped there until i
can save up to move out...i hope the addictions can be fought off once i'm away from the steady supply i have here...well it's a steady supply
when i have money, anyway.
i'm in a hate my life hate my job kinda mood so if i seem bitchy (big change huh) sorry. so asshole FINALLY fucking
calls me to say he'll bring my stuff by this weekend...i bet he's lying again but i don't care....what's the use in getting mad at him for
doing the same thing he's always done? and my kid brother...er sorta...is six now. i feel very old. somehow it doesn't seem like i've been out
of high school for seven years...but i have. time goes way too damn fast now. seems like i just graduated a few weeks ago, but so much has happened
since then. i think, in school, they should warn you that time speeds up and life gets boring the older you get. after a while the rat race is on a
kind of slow crawl and it doesn't seem worth the effort to try to get ahead. money is nice and all, but in order to get enough to survive i started
working two jobs. when i realized i couldn't stay awake for nineteen hours on only four hours of sleep i figured a little coke now and again wouldn't hurt.
so now instead of having a couple thousand saved up i'm flat broke and still pulling two jobs. dammit. the worst part is that i see myself screwing up
and i tell myself i have to quit and somehow i always pick up the phone and make that call, even thinking that i shouldn't be doing it while i'm asking
for the shit! logical isn't it.
so i guess moving could be a very effective way to quit, since i won't know anyone when i get there so it'll be
awful hard to buy anything. but then i think, it's only a two hour drive back here, and then i think, but i don't need to keep doing coke cuz i'm gonna only
have one job, and it's just a vicious circle. damn i want another line. damn i'm glad i'm broke.
life sucks then you die fuck the world let's get high
sorry i said i was bitchy i guess i should've added coming down with no more drugs, not even pot. icky yukky.
so i better go cuz i seem to be addressing my drug issues where anyone can see...good night...er, morning