05/06/01
happy may everyone! life here has been downright strange lately...my ex wanted me to have a threesome with his new girl...yes i laughed in his face..it was kinda fun. my mom is stressing over every detail of moving...and i haven't even started packing yet... that's ok i never really unpacked..just my books and my puter and some bedroom stuff so i don't have that much to pack anyway. i really don't want to move to some redneck town and try to make friends...i'll go batty out there with no one to hang out with. i'm already an internet addict, i don't want to become a *gasp* chat room addict as well...or online gaming. that's even worse. i think the lack of sleep is finally affecting my ability to think and type like a normal human being. and i have to work all three shifts for the next two weeks cuz my manager is going out of town and guess who he asked to cover for him. great. i feel so....shitty. oh well, think of the paycheck. only think of the paycheck. sigh. well i feel very...tired and kinda horny, so i think it's bedtime. maybe i'll meet a nice redneck boy who will turn me into a nice cowgirl (i refuse to even think of being a redneck) and we can get married and pretend i was never a dark and evil being known as goth lol. so i think i'm going to join my mind and go to sleep before i say anything too incredibly crazy. maybe i'll actually post a visible pic of me after i steal mom's digital camera. well goodnight sleep tight don't let the bedbugs bite.
triana
800am(god i hate night shift)
05/11/01
okay, so i'm driving to work yesterday. wait back up. i work at she sells sea shells (yes i hate saying it and
no i don't like seashells) on sanibel island, which is this itty-bitty little sleepy island in the gulf. real
small-town like when it isn't filled to overflowing with snowbirds and tourists (no offense guys but you do make
traffic and shopping and work hell for us locals. well now that the basic background is filled in...i'm driving down the
only main road on the island, about ten minutes early for work. suddenly traffic drops to a crawl, from 30 mph down to about 10.
and i figured, ok, traffic sucks. then i get to the last turnoff before my work, and they're redirecting traffic down towards captiva, an
even smaller, more expensive island. so i take back roads to get back to where i needed to be, and that side is blocked too. i asked the chick cop
workind traffic to let me get through for work, and she says, "you've been evacuated, there's been a bomb threat in the area." i must say
i was shocked. i mean, a bomb on this tiny island? that's insane. the poor island cops had no idea what to do. they're used to more the pull over
speeders, clean up traffic accident detail. and why would anyone bomb a shell shop anyway? most people don't spend that much money on shells, i mean come on!
so i'm a bit confused. our shop was closed for about 4 hours and no one ever said if they found the bomb. the cops are kinda trying to keep it
quiet, lest the tourists get scared and stop coming (oh the horror the inhumanity of it all). sorry i know it was more useless information but i had to share with
someone...and you're my only friend....sniff....sob....
sorry i'm a bit high right now. silliness is kicking in.
if i say yes you say no i say why and you say i don't know...aaahhhhh.
and napster has banned the beatles....or the beatles have banned napster..whatever. very depressing. i was gonna get magical mystery tour and maybe hey jude...sad.
okay i have to go cuz my evil evil boss has me scheduled at *gasp* 7 am! and it's almost midnight but i wanted to talk to someone...er, you know. don't mind me if i get annoying i'm sure one of my friends (yes i do have them) will smack me upside the head and knock some sense into...or out of...me. i feel very...fuzzy. definitely fuzzy. cuz nice people keep telling me i'm doing things well...and i'm not exactly used to that. like my boss saying he needs me to do his managerial...um, stuff. i think he thinks i have a brain at 7 am. silly man, when will he stop sniffing the drain cleaner? you know and i know that sleep for me rarely comes before about 6 am. how am i supposed to get sleep before 630 when i rush madly out the door cuz i'm late? vivarin is my friend. cocaine is the enemy. the enemy will eat what little brain i have. my friend just makes me very very jittery. oh horrors. ok i feel sleepy..i think. i better get off the net before it wears off. ok yeah i gotta go...good night.
triana
05/12/01
oh it's a good thing i don't own a gun or a knife or a straight razor or any other implements of destruction. murder crossed my mind briefly and then, mercifully, the thought
processes shut down. i am overworked and overtired. and i am going through minor withdrawals. but that's okay. i can live through this and i can stop myself from being too incredibly stupid.
life is rough, boys and girls. don't ever kid yourself that it isn't. and some small part of me wants to call my ex and beg for another chance but the rest of me knows that not only would it make me look
like a silly, desperate female, but it would not gain me even an iota of his sympathy. i'm in a horrible evil death mood tonight and i don't think smoking more pot will really help. ah hells.
begging screaming for release dying just to escape the void i have fallen into al is dark all is gone all is death and i can't seem to tear myself away but the pain comes and it comes again and i scream for it
to stop and i beg for someone anyone to save me but no one ever does. death is my friend but life is still worth living i think so what the hell do i do about that. i dream of meeting my shining prince who will rescue me
from all of this this hell this heaven the perfect man for me that doesn't seem to exist but i'm not that old yet so i still have time right? i want to cry.
god i hate being over-emotional. sorry i think i better go now cuz i can't see what i'm doing right now.
05/22/01...i think
i hate packing. sometimes it feels like there's no way i can possibly get everything i own into a truck in just two weeks. oh well it's better than my roomies saying, "we're getting evicted tomorrow"
cuz that has happened just a few too many times for my taste. it is nearly impossible to get absolutely everything in the space of 24 hours. but i'm about half packed. just like bathroom shit and my clothes...
not to mention my cd collection. but most of that stuff is pretty easy to pack, right?
i think sometimes that it will be impossible to find anyone interesting in a small town, but i will probably surprise myself...again. it never takes very long to meet new people, you just have to find the right club.
i hope there's a decent club or bar close to my new town. well i slept about 12 hours last night...er today...and i woke up at midnight so i'm gonna be up for a long long time. such fun.
i guess i will now allow my mind to be consumed by the classic exorcist cuz i'm kinda bored with everything right now. a little demon possession should liven up the evening.
triana