art

i don't really know what to do with myself anymore. school is boring, the net doesn't interest me, and i can't seem to have a conversation at all. i don't know what to talk about anymore. i'm not going to bore you with stories about the characters i play, or my everyday life. i haven't even been thinking much anymore...what's wrong with me? the winter blahs? i finally killed that last brain cell that was keeping me afloat? i think school is killing me...all the gap-wearing blinders-on middle class morons around me are slowly sucking my soul away. my mind slips away, along with my creativity. i started drawing again. i'm glad, i think i finally found my style, excpet now i can't think of anything to draw. any ideas? i posted a couple. something else to be down on myself about. i compare myself to everyone, i want to be like other people because i think that maybe then i'll be happy. i try so hard not to look up to people, i'm afraid they'll let me down. maybe i don't want anyone to look up to me, because i know i'll let them down. my freind darcy is this amazing artist, on top of being very very good looking. he'd be mad if i said i looked up to him, i think. i miss him. pretty dark is also another one of those very amazingly talented and beautiful people. i love them, and miss them both. i think they both don't see themselves the way i do. what's the difference between me and them? they sell themselves better? they really are more talented? they believe in themselves? i don't know. why can johnen vasquez get everything from his head out onto the paper? i try so hard, it just never comes out right and then i don't want to try anymore because i get so pissed off. is there some kind of connection between my brain and my hand that's broken? i need to get this out of my head...it's growing and growing and one day i'm just going to explode in a big puddle of gooey red stuff and someone will be mad because they have to clean it up.