fat
(written around april 2000)
you gotta love being the fat chick at the party huh? oh look, virile young thin girls exposing a lot of skin, oh yeah, and the fat chick. she has a nice personality. she's ok. we can laugh with her. or at her. oh hey,
here comes one of those chicks again. no one notices the arms across the stomach, hiding in the couch, trying to be invisible. maybe no one will notice the fat, oh no, skinny chick standing next to me,
comparison unavoidable. hey, lookit the fat chick. no, don't lookit the fat chick, lookit the skinny chick who takes her skirt off cause she's wearing hot pants. she takes it all in, greedy. i look at her and see me,
years ago. years gone by, not wasted, missed. pity. pity pity. thinking....i am not sexual. i am no longer a sexual creature. i'm old and fat and "good for breeding" not for fucking. not for fucking. have it tattoed
on my forehead. not for fucking. no fucking for me. maybe some breeder sex, but that's not fun! that's not fucking! but i had my time. it's up, no more fucking. now breeding, and having a nice personality. oh,
you'd make such a great mom. who the hell wants to fuck someone else's mom. especially when she can't string a sentence together, can't sit still, can't be confidant and open, can't stop thinking about being
the fat chick. tries to tell herself she isn't, tries to tell herself it could be worse. she could be fatter. she could have great monstrous rolls of fat, thighs that hang to her knees, breasts so heavy there's no keeping
them up. ass so wide it doesn't fit though doors, squeezing. cramming chococlates into a gaping maw, drinking cream and diet pop just to get fatter. maybe i'd have my own webpage and young teenage boys
and their thin girlfreinds would laugh at me, and talk about how disgusting i am. but i can't. all i see is rolls, feeling the jiggles, the sagging, the stretch marks. all i feel is my breasts, once so perfect, fallen from
grace. broken mirrors, tear-stained pillow, no one wants to fuck me. ever again. get thee to a nunnery, your halcyon youth is over. crying alone all the time.
