Got that
> Craving for blood (mm, yes, and I finally got almost enough to satisfy >me last night - thanks Sarah for the idea of feeding from small cuts on >the back or shoulders - )
Mine seems to get stronger the older I get. Anyone else notice this?
> Kinky sex
Kink and perversion are relative. That said, I have to agree that my own tastes are definitely perverted, though I'm more vanilla than I was two years ago - something in me fights very hard at letting go and enjoying the kink the way I used to. Kicks up its heels and screams inside, to be honest. Outwardly I just get sulky when my limits are pushed. I'm not a very extreme bottom anymore, or very frequent, or very submissive. Unfortunately, my ability as a top is tied to my willingness to surrender - I won't take bottoms anywhere that i refuse to go, it feels wrong and hypocritical. I can still perform quite well when I'm not all uptight, but part of me is detached, and it never used to be. This gets in the way of both empathy and feeding. I'm afraid to really look inside myself and get to the bottom of the problem because the last time i came close was when my partner and I were arguing, and I went berserk - this was last month - and I suspect it might have something to do with the whole Gideon/Emma mess, and the way I renounced my goddess and shut myself up in a box afterwards. Come to think of it, even in my senior year of college, I was pretty extreme - I clammed up after two abortive relationships with potential girlfriends (both of which ended on ugly notes) and a year of domestic arguments at home with him when we were first living together. Maybe it's all cumulative. If so, I don't know how to start being my old self again, or even if it's possible. Would it be like entering physical therapy, to try and exercise atrophied muscles and get them back to life? Or would it be like reanimating a corpse? How much of my clamming up was due to ordinary factors, and how much was the cumulative damage done by a suicide attempt and by a religious crisis? When I walked out on Aphrodite, my world was horribly shaken, and I was already reeling from a very bad breakup. And that triad had seemed like a sort of last chance, an attempt to save a childhood innocence or faith in the world or joie de vivre that had already pretty much died. I just don't know.
> Photosensitivity, especially to sun and UV
Got it
> Preference for nighttime and dusk and early morning over daytime Definitely got that
> Ability to see well in dim lighting; ability to sense location of living >things in dark or near-dark
Mine's okay, but it's not that good.
> Empathy to others' emotions and physical sensations
I used to be very sharp in this area, but I've dimmed since three years ago. Gosh. Was it really only 1995? Anyway, I was working at a psychic hotline and was told that I was very sharp; my empathy really seems to have atrophied not so much after my suicide as after my walking out on Aphrodite and renouncing my priestesshood. Hmm.
> Ability to get along well with cats and somewhat communicate with them
Always had that
> A tendency to make dogs go wild when I am anywhere near them
Most dogs love me unless they sense fear in me. The same can be said for horses, and other animals.
> Love of storms; but I don't know if I can influence them
I seem to accidentally attract them. I don't know if I can cause or summon them, but they do seem to like me!
> Emotional intensity and difficult temper
Hell, yes
> Weakness and lethargy much of the time, but strong when emotionally >motivated
Yes (it's not as much of a problem if I take care of my nutritional needs)
> A lifelong fascination with vampires, since about age 4 or 5; >the fascination began because I felt I inherently understood them and >identified with them
I didn't acquire mine until I read Anne Rice and watched the new Dark Shadows - then again, I didn't read anything vampire related at all in my youth except for a short funny book called _Bunnicula_.
> A close encounter with death several years ago
Yes
>Traits of mine that I think are largely *irrelevant* to vampirism:
> Attraction to gothic culture, especially to women who look like >Morticia; love of gothic music; tendency to go dance at goth clubs.
I have a Goth fetish - goth boys who are thin, wiry, pale, and elegant, who dress in silk shirts, waistcoats, black trousers, etc, whose ribs I can count and who have long hair and obvious intelligence when they open their mouths; goth girls who could have stepped out of a Romantic-era poem, with long natural-looking hair and thin watery limbs and a certain presence, and obvious intelligence when they open their mouths (are you seeing a pattern?) I think the Gothic attitude and look appeals to the mind in a way that most other forms of flaunting sensuality do not. Playboy bunnies? Spice Girls? Fabio? Oh, puh-leeze. I'm sure it's aesthetic enough, but it does not engage my brain. Nor does it seem to celebrate the mind the way much of Gothic sensuality does. Not all Goths are intellectual, of course, but I'm not into the rock culture so much as the literary and artistic culture, which has been around in various forms for centuries. Anyway, as you can tell from my porn, the whole Goth thing does tend to get me wet when it's done right, and done in a certain fashion...
> -I own a cape. (Woo-hoo!)
You're in the SCA, dear :)
>OK, what "vampiric traits" don't I have? No garlic allergy;
People who suffer from porphyria often have this.
>no problem with mirrors;
That's because you have a soul. As do we all (I think).
>no problem with crosses or holy objects of any religion;
I have a SERIOUS problem with crosses, especially crucifixes that have images of the suffering Jesus on them. A cross is not a religious symbol, it's an instrument of torture and slow death! I can't stand to see Jesus suffering, nor would I want to watch anybody else. It fucking hurts. I'm too tenderhearted for my own good. I've been like this ever since I was a kid.
>no desire to dominate others (at least no conscious desire);
Alas, I am afraid I do kind of suffer from Alpha Bitch syndrome. I like to be in charge. I frequently talk myself out of putting myself in power by reminding myself that I am too busy to take on added responsibility. I am rather domineering if I don't control myself. It's not nice, I know. Maybe I'll grow out of my insecurity yet.
> no fangs;
Do large incisors count? I can suck the life out of any carrot! :)
>no coffin (though I like to sleep in as dark an environment as possible);
I, too, need to sleep in the dark. I couldn't sleep in a coffin - I'd get claustrophobic!
>no proof of extended lifespan or phenomenal healing ability;
The former can only be proven over time. Past lives probably don't count. As for the latter, I apparently am a very strong healer - of other people, though, not myself.
>no strong desire to play vampire role-playing games, though it might be amusing for a >change;
Awwwwww, but it's so much fun. :)
> no strong belief that I am non-human.
>I think I am a sort of human, but a different sort. Whether it be >something genetic that was in me at birth, or something that has changed >in me since, or whether it be something "spiritual" - like a calling - I >really don't know.
I tentatively feel the same way. I'm open to other possibilities.